August 6th
Coming here one thing I was really excited about was Thai food. So far it hasn't been able to stay down. Right now the culprit looks to be Tiger Beer as its the only thing I've consumed both days here. Either way I'm watching what I'm eating and carrying indigestion pills with me 24/7.
There were some really good Mexican tacos I had for dinner along with a Tiger Beer and some half-decent margaritas (they don't hold a torch to the family recipe).
I didn't have great experiences with Thais today either:
I bought two Groovy Maps at the airport, one for Chiang Mai and the other for Bangkok. These maps are really cool they list tons of groovy places to eat, shop, sleep, explore, dance, drink and relax. They also pride themselves on the facts that the maps are waterproof, can't be ripped, and don't require a battery. After playing ball hockey in Toms the night before I really felt the knots and pains in my feet and decided to get a foot massage. One place on Groovy maps, called Best Spa, was near by my guesthouse so I walked over there. It wasn't there but there was a place across the road from where the spa should have been with the same prices for everything. I figured it had run them out of business so it must be even better!
Wrong. I went in and asked for a foot massage and I got one from this middle-aged woman. She scrubbed my feet first then got into the massage. For about ten minutes we were in complete silence. Obviously coming to Thailand you hear the rumors that if you fall asleep a 200 Baht massage of any kind can turn into a 600 Baht hand-job. I thought nothing of it initially, the parlor looked clean and not the least bit shady. Until she started shoving my feet into her boobs. It seemed pretty innocent and I pretended like it wasn't happening and doing my best to avoid eye contact. It got progressively worse when she started working my legs all the way to the inner thigh (cause that's a very important part of your feet).
Somewhere before that though we talked a little and I found out this woman has been a masseuse for a measly two months. Before that she was a farmer. This made a lot of sense because after my massage I didn't feel much better and I could still feel the knots in my right foot. This was a learning experience: Don't just dip into any place for food or massages. Your inn keepers will know the best places in the city or the area for what ever you're looking to do.
The next inconvenience was getting a tuk-tuk to my friend's condo. I asked one driver if he knew where it was showing him the address on a sheet of paper. He nodded, took the paper, then went to another driver to ask something, then asked the security guard wandering around. I looked at him and asked for the paper back, he gave that universal gesture "hang on a minute" and went into the bank. He came out and said "Oh Huay Kaew" as if he had just discovered what I had written on the page handing it back to me, "150 Baht," he said. The day before I went there for 100 and I stuck to my guns said no and started to walk up the street. This dope decides to grab my arm, "OK 100 Baht," and hauls me toward his cart. At this point I don't care that he has wasted at least 10 minutes of my time figuring out where I want to go so I comply because he's the size of John Goodman and he's got a hold of my bicep.
When we got into the tuk-tuk we drove a different way than the night before and then I saw the apartment on the other side of the road and waited for him to do a U-turn. He was in the left lane for a very long time (remember left side drivers) and I was at the point of just jumping out and walking back. I didn't think that was super safe so I told him to pull over and paid him a generous 60 Baht for getting me relatively closer than I was to start with.
After arriving just before it started to rain I vented to my friend about the driver and he introduced me to the "cashew brain." Realistically Thailand is a country that rides on tourism and natural resources for income. Nothing is made here except t-shirts which you can rip in half with one hand because most don't have collars. The reason behind this is quite simply that Thais are not the sharpest tools in the shed hence the term "cashew brain".
Example: In CM there is a week long water fight in the moat surrounding the old city. As a resident you have two choices lock and load two Supersoakers and get ready to party; or stock up on food and movies and don't leave your house for a week. The idea alone of this event is stupid and the length makes it even stupider. My friend told me 30 people died in the last one. You'd think a lot of them them just got too drunk and drowned in the moat. That'd be a good assumption but the moat is 3 feet deep. Thirty people can't die in a week unless there's something missing upstairs when the only hazard is a moat three feet deep and a gradual decline into said moat. So when you go to Thailand and you encounter a problem you will need to solve it yourself, customer and tourist services are slow and or useless.
After laughing about this ridiculous event we went out to dinner with another friend from teachers college to a Mexican restaurant called Miguel's. The food was really good and so were the margaritas, they just weren't the best. Chicken nachos were good. Chicken Enchiladas were really good. Beef tacos was a little off and that triggered a literal tidal wave of stuff. We spent hours toasting to the hilarity of our year at teacher's college together. It's amazing to think we were all there in April 2012 which seems like eons ago. I'm happy so much has happened since then; that year was the beginning of my adventure into Asia and life itself. If I didn't get food poisoning it would have been a great way to end a crumby day, but that didn't happen. STAY AWAY FROM BEEF IN THAILAND. The only exception is Mike's Burgers and all commercial fast food places.
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