The Trials and (Mis)adventures of the Travelling Teacher: Quarterly Report

Has it been 3 months already? In fact it's been more! It seems like forever since I've had a blog to occupy my afternoons and weekend downtime. So maybe I should regale you all in my exciting first week of school.

First day was exciting, teaching Grade 5s: a Grade I feel I know all too well, they love challenges, but they're still young enough to have fun. I had this PPT biography and a quiz after. I presented it to each class as the first lesson and now I never want to see it again.

Tuesday was cancelled due to a Typhoon warning, which turned out to be an overcast day in Busan, tricking me into believing that I'd be living in Floridaesque climate. Not the case, the second typhoon mangled two umbrellas in two days. The day off was nice though, having the opportunity to go out and bond with my co-teachers and the other specialist teacher, some of whom speak English. It was a really nice time. I also learned that day, chopsticks are necessary. For lunch we went to a restaurant famous for boiled fish which was littered with bones. While struggling to pick up, balance and cut up my food the other teachers were seamlessly picking fish bones off of their tongue, an act of pure skill.

Wednesday and Thursday were very similar to Monday. Meet new kids, hear "you so handsome" enough times it almost loses all meaning, but today it has. I kept meeting new teachers and was assigned my bonus-work which is conversation classes and broadcasting segments.

Friday is when I realized that I had entered a new world. The moment I walk into my shared office one co-teacher nonchalantly tells me you have to speak to the whole school. No pressure, just the whole school. Here I am thinking its casual Friday, wearing jeans and now I'm presenting myself to the entire school. "You'll be fine." My brain tells my whole body. So I go down to the broadcasting room, home of the ceiling of a thousand light bulbs. The reason today was such a big day, was a Grade 2 teacher's retirement after 40+ years, and followed by the introduction of myself and her replacement. Prior to this mega press conference everyone tried to speak English to me at the school. And now I'm here, four feet under the sun, listening intently for my name as a prompt and trying to decipher anything after "anyong -haseyo." Obviously in Korea "save the best for last" is not a thing because I was the last guest speaker. I sit behind the podium, red in the face, dripping sweat. I had a vague idea of what I was going to say and I kept to my mental script for the most part. Just act like the latest free agent: "Anyong haseyo. It’s great to be here, I feel really welcome so far, lots of energy, enthusiasm, and talent here and I couldn't be more excited about this upcoming year. Gam sam nida." Worst part of my day is over with, right? Wrong.

Classes went smoothly which brought me to lunch where I find out I'm going to a retirement party in honour of a person I've never met and seen once. I had heard through the grape vine that Korean evenings are quite outrageous, lots of food, unlimited soju and beer and after an orientation that made my liver a little more calloused, I was prepared for the evening to come. What a Segway into the weekend!

A co-teacher drives me and two other teachers to the dinner. It wasn't anywhere special - just in the thick of the I-Park towers, the most opulent part of Busan! After we parked we went up to a banquet hall filled with my principal, vice principals, other specialist teachers and tons of people I had never seen before, who later turned out to be people who worked at the school. We picked out a table and sat down. After leaning back and closing my eyes feeling a well-overdue weeks’ worth of work float off my shoulders, I'm nudged by the MC.

"Garp, you'll be speaking in 5 minutes. I will call you when we will start."

NOT AGAIN. My eyes begin to linger on the beer and soju bottles at the centre of the table, all untouched. I refuse to be the party animal, after all, first impressions are everything. I sit there, waiting, silently hoping for a blackout, fire alarm, anything to postpone or cancel this: I just want to eat some food, have a beer and then go party with people who I can have a full conversation with.

Well I'm summoned to the front just off of the platform with two other people, a young woman I had never seen before, and the new teacher. My principal is speaking, and probably praising the hard work and long days of this teacher, and hopefully this diligent spirit carries on to one of the three of us rookies on the side. She makes her speech and bows to the audience. Being caught off guard by this obligation as well as fast-forwarding my life to when I retire I had no idea what I would say. This time whizzed by and before I knew it, last but certainly not least, Shraham Garp up to the podium.

There are points in your life when you are either so focused or out-of-body that you will instantly forget everything you said, thought of or did. That was the case for this rambling. I asked my table if I said the right things and they agreed, probably just so I don't run away.

Thankfully, the PE teacher offered me a beer when I sat down and blew out what I thought was all the stress and jitters in my body. But while pouring the beer for him (respecting my elders and Korean tradition of course) my hands were still shaking. Once I put the cool glass up to my mouth and took a sip, I won't say I felt great because then you'd think I'm an alcoholic, it felt refreshing. Still a little shaky but I was on the mend.

My table got up to go get food, all of which was great and after my third or fourth plate the Vice-Principal walks up to me and holds a shot glass out for me. But its empty I think to myself: quick fact, traditional Korean shots are all out of one shot glass. I'm up first, two hands on the shot glass for respect while he pours with one. Air cheers to my future-self and put the glass back. Then he pats me on the shoulder and points over to the main table full of guys. It was a good time, lots of finger food I never saw at the buffet, so I gorged, but only a little, more on the spirits than the food. I also found out that the PE teacher is the same age as my father and I am the same age as his son who's living abroad - bizarro world.

I checked my phone to see the time: 8pm. I turn back to the table I sat at for dinner, deserted. I mention to the man next to that I need to get to the Dongbaek subway station to get home. He nods and finds some people leaving and sends me on the way with them. I politely thank him, when he tells me they're taking me to the station closest to my house. I gave him a hug and thanked him again, and walked off with the driver. It was a nice relaxing drive, I nearly dozed off from all the food and booze. We made it there in excellent time, I properly thanked them and while getting out of the car I marvelled at the major intersection thinking, “how cool is it you live here” and, “where do I live?” It’s funny how much a landscape changes from day to night. Either way I got home changed into shorts (how I miss those days) checked Facebook for party details and was on my way.

I don't really remember the evening but I guarantee it was packed with things I strongly hate now: HO bars, soju, Gangnam style, whistles, and gross unisex bathrooms (I never liked the last thing).

I guess now is appropriate as any other time to flaunt my second home in Korea: my office/ the media room/ library.